went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
