how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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