That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
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Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize