Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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