so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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