So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
