I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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