It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
