i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
