i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
