This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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