Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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