Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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