I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
