We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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