Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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