The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize