I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Green mimosas i think yes
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
