My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
