This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
