my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
