you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
