No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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