so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
