so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
