Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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