you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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