maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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