dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
