Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
