shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
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Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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