dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
