Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
