I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
why do cheetos always look like penises
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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