She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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