so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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