is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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