it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
this hospital has no fireball
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
