you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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