a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You've changed since you got that strap on
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
