Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
