Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
smell my finger.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
