I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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