Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
