anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
