The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
