like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
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Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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