I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
