Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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