my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
worst night to have a conscience
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
