I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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