I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
