we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
