too bad you live with your parents still
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
