I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm too high and old for this...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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