The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
